少年はその贈り物に目を輝かして喜んだ。The Boy was bright-eyed with delight at the present.

This morning I walked to the post office to pick up a parcel from Aco. The parcel contained number of very useful items such as, Black Tea, Body Lotion, Organic Dehydrated Dashi Stock, Special Red Miso Paste, Yuzu Kosho (spicy, sour, salty paste made from a citrus fruit "yuzu"), Special Shoyu (soy sauce), and a cute card :) Aco has a business, which provides various food, health care, and body products, made in Japan. I can say from experience that the products are very high quality and quite cheap. 

Day after Day I consider how fortunate I am to have Aco in my life. She inspires me to live well. I have changed, hopefully for the better, over the years. My mind and body feel healthier, stronger, than ever before. There are a few aspects of my life, things I have received or learned from others, or found accidently, for which I am grateful. These things have enriched my life, bringing me gradually back-to-life. This coming back-to-life feels something like an awareness, which leads to an acceptance, of what supports my life. I hope I can continue to find appreciation within for all the aspects of life, not only for the things which help me feel good and live well, but also the challenges that I face day to day should be embraced bravely, eventually.

ありがとうございますあこ。

Thank you so much Aco.

learning and practicing ChiKung

sometime last year I started to learn ChiKung. at first I had learnt some techniques from Akiko. she teaches ChiKung ("Kikou" as it is pronounced in Japan) a few times a week. the style is called Enbouzen. which is roughly translated as, round stick Zen . in her school, they use different sized bo's which symbolize levels of the practice. it helps to keep the hands together and level during certain exercises as well as having the benefits of having good ki (energy) properties of wood.
Enbouzen Exercises:
1. a central practice of enbouzen would be the "standing Zen" practice, where the student simply stands upright, knees slightly bent, tail-bone tucked in, shoulders and waist relaxed, while holding the bo out in front of the mid torso. Akiko tells me that they sometimes stand this way for one hour. (I am yet to practice at such lengths) the practice can also be modified by holding the bo directly above one's head, having the arms extended straight.
                                                      2. to help with tightness in my hips, middle back, and shoulders, it was recommended by Akiko's Sensei that I should practice holding the bo in both hands, making circles with the bo starting near my chest, extending the bo upward and outward away from my torso, circling down as the extension of my arms reaches mid way, circling down and back towards the torso and back up to finish the circle. this should be done again and again. another movement that is added to the exercise is bending and straightening my legs following the upward and downward movement of the circle I am making with the bo. the movement should be graceful, hips should be relaxed as much as possible, and the knees should not bend beyond the tip of the toes.
                                                      3. to help release tightness in my shoulders and neck, Akiko taught me another exercise. making ovals with the bo above my head. the oval is long and no wider than the width of my head. extending the arms up as far as possible straight above my head, and back down, over and over, continuously. Akiko has told me they sometimes make at least 300 repetitive ovals daily. I can manage to do around thirty before my arms become weak.
these are the main exercises I have learnt from Akiko so far. I have also supplemented these exercises with a flexibility training which I learnt from a teacher called Binkun Hu. I bought his dvd which is called "Creating Flexibility Through QiGong." the exercises have been very helpful. since starting to practice kikou, I am now starting to feel more movement in my body as i practice. certain muscles are slightly softer than they were before. I hope to learn more from Akiko and her Sensei, and deepen the relaxation and flexibility which can result from the practice.

baking cookies

there is  something I do quite a lot, at work, and that is baking desserts. the demand for cookies increases with each successful batch. from twelve, to twenty, to twenty five per day. I also bake a lot of cakes. when I have time, I take pictures to remember them. the repetition of each day, baking, using similar recipes, I start to understand how I can add ingredients, or modify the process, to get a slightly different result. so far, my favorites have been, oatmeal cookies, lemon cheesecake, sticky date pudding, and chocolate chip cookies. these always turn out well, and are popular with the workers.
although I enjoy baking, I find it is hard to make desserts without tasting them. as I am usually trying new recipes, I should taste them once they have been cooked. I should know how they taste, and whether or not I can be proud to serve them or not. this isn't such a bad thing. some of the baked sweets are quite tasty. the down side to this is the amount of sugar i consume daily, and how it affects my appetite and well-being.

sugar is extremely stimulating, causing my mind and senses to feel erratic and hyper. my appetite for vegetables and fresh food diminishes. also there is the developing habit of eating sweets out of convenience. they are prepared and ready to eat. and when I am tired from a days work, I am sooner to eat a cookie than I am to prepare a bowl of miso soup.

this time around, this work period, I have controlled how much of the sweets I am tasting. since I have baked them a number of times, I am familiar with the taste and the affect. so I can leave most of them for the others to eat.
ideally, I would rather be cooking healthy food for people. there are doubts and debates about what is helpful and healthy about food, and eating. some people claim that sweets are "good for us" because they help stimulate our mood and generally make us feel happy. personally I find the affect of sweets can be positive while influencing a positive mood, but at the same time can cause harm to us. we can easily form habits of eating too many sweets, and therefore risk developing diabetes, erratic moods, and obesity.
what I am most concerned with is the affect on moods, and the habit of mood that can result from a dependency on sweets. I have experienced the affect of habitual eating on my mood, as well as noticed it in others. for example, it is common for the craving for sweets to cause anxiety when we are without sweet foods. and for those who are prone to have emotional imbalances these cravings would no doubt make the ups and downs of emotional waves to be greater.
for now I do my best to eat well, and provide good healthy food, as well as the sweets which we all enjoy. I do not wish to push my beliefs on others. I realize I can only do the best I can to be healthy for myself. if another person wishes to eat certain foods which I would not eat I should not stand in their way. they will either be healthy or not be healthy. I can only be who I am, and hope that my intentions and my actions influence people to take care of themselves.
I do wish, that if I am still working as a chef in the future, that I can serve better foods. perhaps in my own cafe/restaurant, where I need not tell people to eat well. I would simply be providing a place for people to come and eat the foods which I feel would help them be well and feel good. being healthy can feel good too.

remote locations

this picture was taken from the top of Mount Kingsley, Arcadia Valley, Queensland, Australia. the white rectangle in the lower left corner is Lucas Camp 94, where I currently work as a chef. I cook for the mining crew, and the odd random others who stop by. 

it took Tom and I thirty minutes to climb to the top where we enjoyed the beautiful view, and cool clean air of the wide open country. 

walking at Meiji

"Entering The Gate,
Hardness wilts, spine reverts,
As trees walk at Meiji.
Leaving what is behind,
Not knowing how, step by step
Breathing moves my feet."


Yesterday, Saturday 5th June, I returned to Australia after one month in Japan.
without knowing where to start, I want to share some thoughts about this time. this last month has affected me deeply in many ways.
not only did I meet my dearest Akiko and have my heart brought back to life. I also found a place, which supports a peaceful manner of living, in which I can more appropriately express my heart and mind. where careful action and considerate relations are accepted as an integral part of a culture, allowing people to look after to themselves and others in a more heartfelt sense than I am used to.
the gratitude and respect I have for Akiko is deep. she has helped me bring forth aspects of myself which I had struggled to manifest on my own. by her acceptance and calm character, I felt understood, seen as I am, and appreciated. her kindness has healed my broken heart. I realized how much admiration, love, inspiration, respect, and attraction I can find, and have for another person. she is, what I admire in people.
it would be better suited for me to show my gratitude for her in other ways besides on this blog. as I sit now, publishing the above poem on this blog, I recall the time, the feeling of being in Japan and walking at Meiji Jingu, writing this poem, and feeling relief as I fell in love with a person and a place. 
to publish this poem here, without a few sentences to express my appreciation and respect for Akiko would be unjust. 有り難う御座います Thank you very much.

I wrote this poem, amongst the trees, on the precious ground at Meiji Jingu (Meiji Shrine), in Harajuku, Tokyo. Meiji is a place of worship and an expression of respect by the followers of Shinto, for the earth and for all people. in fact, Meiji is one of many Jinja Shinto, Shrines of Shinto, where the spirit of Kami is believed to dwell. Kami is the deity of Shinto, a figure of life-giving power. basically, Kami is explained as "whatever seems strikingly impressive, possessing the quality of excellence and virtue, and inspires a feeling of awe" is called "Kumi."
The tall old trees, covering the earth, the wide gravel paths, streams, ponds, the caretakers, and of course the shrine itself, do impress and arouse admiration. all-together, Meiji stands as a magnificent representative of our mother earth, surrounded by a huge, over-populated, and busy Tokyo.
in my opinion, the power and magnitude of Tokyo, kneels under the presence of Meiji. when I first entered the main gate and set foot on the ground at Meiji, with a rabbit (Akiko), I immediately found the air was cool and comforting, the usual tension of my body subsided, and I could feel  we were in a sacred place. before learning about Shinto, and came to terms with the order of Jinja, and the Shinto faith, I could feel there was something special about Meiji. I was in awe and impressed not only by the massive gates and the shine itself, but by the land, the trees, the streams. I learned recently that the streams that run through the grounds flow from a very old well. the water comes up, without the aid of a pump, naturally, from underground channels of rain water. which is impressive. 
Meiji Jingu alone, is more than enough reason for me to believe that I could actually enjoy living in Tokyo. while not being the first reason, I acknowledge how I was affected by simply being there, as I experienced affluent health and strengthening of spirit, in one month with Akiko, in Japan.

I wrote the poem at Meiji Jingu, as I visited Meiji for the second time, this time I was alone. I was inspired by Kumi and the immediate intimacy of nature as I walked alone.  With each step I found, the hold of my ego, the hardness of my character, dissolve. As I let go, allowing the air to fill my lungs, I knew, it was not me who was breathing, it was a function of the intimacy between this body and nature. Letting go, as I walked, my ego attempted to take control, as it usually does, but by the force of the good energy of the trees and soul of Meiji. I maintained the connection and was able to allow it to transform me for some time. I could observe the contrast between myself, my ego, and the natural order of a body given back to, and owned by nature. The tight confines of an ego and the open acceptance of the natural world. 
There were many people, also walking there. The old trees, the bodies in motion, the wind, everything moved with me, entered me, gave breath to me and I loved them. I saw, perhaps to a small degree, how my life depends on everything. My feet moved by the force of what was given to me, I felt each step, not remembering a single thing.
I wish I could have stayed there with Akiko in Japan. To dissolve, and teach my ego how it can exist peacefully, in communion with the world. 

quotes: "Breath by Breath" by Larry Rosenberg

"If we can learn to let the breath unfold naturally, without tampering with it, then in time we might be able to do that with other aspects of our experience: we might learn to let feelings be, let the mind be."

"The instruction is to let it be, to surrender to the breathing. We are learning even in this first instruction the art of surrender, which is central to our Dharma practice."


"When the Buddha is hot, he sweats; when cold, he shivers."
"Sometimes we have the mistaken idea that an enlightened being wouldn’t be subject to such conditions. The Buddha wouldn't notice heat or cold. Actually, almost the opposite is true. He would be aware of them to an extraordinary degree. He would feel all their subtle gradations. But he wouldn't make anything more out of them. They would just be what they are."


- Larry Rosenberg

morning gatha

wake up!
don't wait!
I feel the morning
supporting my becoming. (even though I ache)
I feel my breath
I bow to dear friends
I embrace my sorrow
and realize the way.
I remember to take care, sleep well, and start again.
one day my life will end.
as I sit, being myself, seeing myself, I let go.
how wonderful.

new mind, old mind

as I sit upright, belly open and relaxed, accepting each breath, each thought, sensation. my mind is refreshed in each moment of attention. as my body takes the form of acceptance, I begin to feel more alive, yet unlike myself. an old mind, it's decaying defenses, give way to something primordial. something beyond what I can see and feel is unearthed, and I so wish to keep digging.

as a relatively young meditator (young in experience, not in age) I find one of the biggest challenges in my practice, my life, is maintaining a freshness, a keen, energetic, and open mind while I am busy in the world of action. quite often I feel drowsy, lethargic, tense. this is most likely a defensive reaction to the world around me. I am a very shy person. I can sense that my reaction is my conditioning, a relic from my younger years.

as I sit on the train, I take an upright posture, and make a zendo.
the world outside distracts my eye, my mind, my body. I return to my breath again and again. at times, the firm, soft support of my spine gives way and bends slightly under the weight of my ego. I drift back and forth between unity and separation, new and old, judgement and acceptance, such are the tides of my mind.

open way zen, sangha

I just arrived home after my first visit and sitting with the Open Way Zen group in Kelvin Grove, Brisbane. the sitting and lecture was supervised by Peter Genjo Bruza (on the right, on the left is Master Hogen-san the founder of OWZ who I am yet to meet). it was the first time I have met with a sangha since the fall 2009 sesshin, with the Adelaide Zen Group. it was nice to listen to the lecture and to feel the collective intention to practice zazen, meditation.
 Peter gave a talk based around an excerpt from a poem by Rumi, a Sufi poet, giving his own commentary and advice not to translate the words in a literary sense but rather to understand it from our own direct experience. I was touched by the content and found I could relate to the commentary given.
 in short the essence of the teaching was, to have an open awareness that is direct. to be focused in an open, multi directional sense. not to focus too hard with great intentions of achieving a goal or an end and thereby closing of the senses to all that is.  to find a balance between an open awareness and direct experience. to be sharply attuned to all that is happening inside and out. Peter also touched on the idea of necessary illusion against the backdrop of perfect reality. the two are part of reality, yet, we go back and forth between the two. to have our senses closed is to not be in tune with what is, but yet it is necessary to experience this illusion in order to live in and be aware of perfect reality. also we can not only be open for we may fall out of balance with directness, with awareness. we cannot not be too focused because we will lose touch with perfect reality. we cannot keep our senses closed, nor can we be completely open all of the time. we need to find the point where the two meet and realize that the two are one, and the one is also two. and more importantly to just simply be aware of how we are constantly in flux between the two.

 I sit, on average, at least 5 times a week at home, and I practice yoga (my own version, for stiff old joints) at least once a day. it is good to practice alone to find your seat, the best way of sitting for your body type. i must say however, that there is nothing that can compare to sitting in zazen with a sangha before recieving the advice and teaching of an elder practitioner or teacher. often the lecture has one or more points which resound in and penetrate the heart. I cant help but feel a deep appreciation for my elders, for those more experienced and wiser than I am.

 I will go back to meet and sit with the Open Way Zen group.

no one to harm, emptiness in form

"if you can empty your boat, while crossing the river of the world, no one will oppose you and no one will seek to harm you." - Jack Kornfield.

in life, someone may seek to harm you, and many will oppose you.
the intention of the phrase, quoted above, is not to say that after reaching some state of liberation people will no longer oppose you, or seek to harm you. the reason for saying such a phrase is not to teach you something, but rather to ignite a vision from within, a realization. the author or speaker is fully aware that people will oppose and harm us, his point is not to deny this fact.

the central subject of this phrase is the ego, or self, I, me, you.
and the intended affect is to enable us to look within, to let go of unnecessary clinging to our ego, to the "I" to which we are attached. in recognizing that we have an ego, when we go further into analysis of our identity, we see our selves in relation to the world and other people. we see "who we think we are." if we are honest in our enquiry we can see that the "I" is a conglomerate of images, thoughts, wishes, impressions, craving, desire, etc... and even perhaps an emulation of an ideal self, who we want to become is included there as well. when we boil all these down we can say that generally the ego is not much more then a thought, an impression, an illusion, a memory, a wish.

what happens, when one realizes, that the self is only a thought?
well, we are given a choice, do we feed our thoughts more thoughts, or do we set out to find what and who we really are. What is beyond our thoughts. 

when we no longer hold onto thoughts, there can be no thought that can harm us. we may feel pain or become ill, but the less we associate with our thoughts, the less we will suffer in life.
how do I find myself?
what does it mean to let go?
what is true?
how mush do I cause my own suffering?
am I truly happy?
who am I?
...there starts the path. we develop our way-seeking mind.

...who am I?

 thinking is a natural process, since not long after after our birth we have been thinking, so it is only natural that we should think. we should not stop thinking, the point of a spiritual journey is not to stop thinking. we should utilize our thoughts, as part of our human senses. a thought may arise from within, just as a cloud may suddenly take form in the sky before our eyes. when we see the cloud we can not will it to take form, nor can we force it to disappear. clouds follow the cycle of creation and death according to nature.
it is the same with thoughts. when one watches the inner seasons, suddenly there may be a thought arising, we should not try to suppress it or alter it, neither should we be bothered by its arising. we should notice it, acknowledge what the thought is, and allow it to pass naturally. moment to moment we should try to let things happen and simply notice how things take place within.
that is how we learn to let go. just as the cloud takes form and disintegrates without leaving a mark on the clear sky. while the cloud is in view, the sky is still present behind the cloud. in meditation, our mind, our nature is like the sky, clear and limitless. we train ourselves to through meditation to acknowledge the clarity of mind beyond the forms of thought.
thoughts may came and go but we do not forsake our mind to become the thought, just as the sky does not become the cloud. the thought is part of you, and has a place within but we should not identify the thought as our self. just as we do not call the cloud the sky.

...how do I let go?

as an athlete conditions their body to move to their will through practice and repetition, so does a spiritual athlete condition their mind. what one does in meditation is align the mind and body as one whole being, by following the breath, safely and peacefully in silence. when we follow our breath we are acknowledging our universal nature, and we begin to calm our thinking mind and let go into the unknown. in the focused concentration of an athlete, a thought will disturb the precision of action. over time, the athlete learns to identify with their body and mind in stillness, in silence, and that is the source of their power.

many people through history have taught the path of liberation from suffering and non attachment to self. by practicing meditation or mindfulness we develop the ability to see the mental habits which cause us so much suffering and confusion. we become the guard of the temple (mind), and oversee who or what enters through the doors (senses). we may see that for years we have allowed many enemies to enter, and that the temple may already be overrun by foes who have been terrorizing the residents.

after years of training in meditation we develop the strength of integrity and reclaim ownership of the temple ground. enemies may enter, but they will not reside.

when we calm the mind and align our body and mind, allowing things to be just as they are, senses in harmony with sense objects, we are truly ourselves, we let go of our thoughts, and we are able to live beyond harm, beyond thought. there is no One to harm.

spider

a spider on my leg,

stopped as if to gaze at me

motionless, in its seemingly weightless transparent body.

a wind picked up

and lifted it into the air

passing by the tiny, excited, lifting hairs

on my cool neck