wine's warmth

Autumn's comfort is cold,

Street light, room light, moon light.

The wine is warm.

okayu, ShoujinRyoori.

in Japan, monks of the soto school that live a monastic life eat a carefully prepared cuisine known as ShoujinRyoori (literally: devotion cuisine). okayu, rice soup, a staple of ShoujinRyoori, is comprised of water, rice, a small amount of salt, and sometimes a very small amount of soft cooked vegetable. okayu is more than just a vegetarian dish to be eaten as one would normally eat. this food is for the mind and body, intended for the emptying of ourselves, and the strengthening of practice in living a life of zazen, constantly settling, reverting to our true essence. this dish was revered  and taught by Dogen Zenji. a fundamental treasure for those practicing the way. he saw that the focused, careful and reverent preparation and consumption of food is vital to not only zen practice and to realising our true existence, but to living a human life. for that is what we are originally.  enlightened and capable of living a highly refined existence. in awareness of who and what we are.

Dogen encouraged his students to practice constantly emptying themselves and settle their minds. to let go of the conditioning towards selfishness. to practice zazen in each moment, in refined reverent activity. Dogen saw that what we are is in communion with all that is and all that exists inside and out. that all phenomena is our life, we are all things and all things support our lives. so when we cook, eat, chop wood, go to the toilet, we are experiencing this life, we are constantly interacting with and receiving support from this world. we actively create and experience our world through the senses. our detachment and our innate relationship with all things two sides of the one existence. we only have to take care of what is, right now, constantly settling our minds, and learn how to stay on that path no matter what distracts us along the way. from this understanding, Dogen saw that there is an appropriate manner for conducting ourselves in order to realise our innate empty nature. how and what we cook, and eat, was to Dogen the basis of zazen.

i had eaten okayu now and then before i moved to Japan, for around one year. i normally added some miso paste and organic dashi stock for taste and for nutritional value. since the turn of the new year, for the purpose of integrating this enabling food into my day to day life i have been eating okayu each morning.
Aco and i have been eating okayu for breakfast daily for the past two or so weeks. we occasionally change the accompanying ingredient. some days we might add umeboshi (salted plums), another day negi (spring onion), goji berries, or natto, or a spoonful of miso. i have never felt more internal balance in my recollected memory. i am no longer overwhelmed by heat in my body. there is a feeling of awareness and energy noticeably lower in my body then normal. i am now able soak in a hot bath without becoming restless from a feeling of being stifled by the heat.
normally, before this year, i was aware of an excess of energy and sometimes heat around my shoulders, neck, and head. this is no doubt a result of many years of identifying my head as my centre, by not releasing tension when I held to much,  and by eating foods that produce high amounts of heat in my body and cause too much excess. now that i have had a small amount of years trying to keep my awareness in lower regions and recently adapting my diet to be more balanced and suitable to my condition, i am finally feeling a small amount of relief, and a shift in energy.

this year i have been recording my body temperature and weight. my daily temperature is lower, now being around a normal 36°C. my weight, 73.6 kilograms. just over two weeks ago i was 78.2 kilos. there is no doubt that the backup of undigested food has been washed away by daily black tea and okayu.

today we are fasting. only drinking small fruit and soy milk smoothies for breakfast lunch and dinner, and filling the emptiness with hot kokuzoucha, and dandelion tea. we prepared for this day, by reducing the size of our meals yesterday. i feel good, besides being very hungry. i feel light, focused, and calm. the feeling of spaciousness in my stomach and intestine is reflected by my mind. we will have a thick okayu for dinner as we start to end our semi-fast. tomorrow we will have a thin okayu for breakfast as well before returning to eating solid foods.

by fasting we can become more attuned to our body's and instinct by not overeating, by allowing our bodies to become hungry. fasting, and eating okayu, is like zazen, we empty our bodies, and as a result we can be more aware of what is. this is the way we would live, if our lives were not overwhelmed by the unnatural convenience of modern lives. we would be forced to survive with less food, and by our instinct and effort we would have to rely. this is what Dogen Zenji wished for us, to be free, to realise our natural mind and place in this world. by repeated practice and observation. constantly settling and calming our mind.

passive presence

"Too lazy to be ambitious,
I let the world take care of itself.
Ten days' worth of rice in my bag;
a bundle of twigs by the fireplace.
Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment?
Listening to the night rain on my roof,
I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out." -Ryokan

少年はその贈り物に目を輝かして喜んだ。The Boy was bright-eyed with delight at the present.

This morning I walked to the post office to pick up a parcel from Aco. The parcel contained number of very useful items such as, Black Tea, Body Lotion, Organic Dehydrated Dashi Stock, Special Red Miso Paste, Yuzu Kosho (spicy, sour, salty paste made from a citrus fruit "yuzu"), Special Shoyu (soy sauce), and a cute card :) Aco has a business, which provides various food, health care, and body products, made in Japan. I can say from experience that the products are very high quality and quite cheap. 

Day after Day I consider how fortunate I am to have Aco in my life. She inspires me to live well. I have changed, hopefully for the better, over the years. My mind and body feel healthier, stronger, than ever before. There are a few aspects of my life, things I have received or learned from others, or found accidently, for which I am grateful. These things have enriched my life, bringing me gradually back-to-life. This coming back-to-life feels something like an awareness, which leads to an acceptance, of what supports my life. I hope I can continue to find appreciation within for all the aspects of life, not only for the things which help me feel good and live well, but also the challenges that I face day to day should be embraced bravely, eventually.

ありがとうございますあこ。

Thank you so much Aco.

walking at Meiji

"Entering The Gate,
Hardness wilts, spine reverts,
As trees walk at Meiji.
Leaving what is behind,
Not knowing how, step by step
Breathing moves my feet."


Yesterday, Saturday 5th June, I returned to Australia after one month in Japan.
without knowing where to start, I want to share some thoughts about this time. this last month has affected me deeply in many ways.
not only did I meet my dearest Akiko and have my heart brought back to life. I also found a place, which supports a peaceful manner of living, in which I can more appropriately express my heart and mind. where careful action and considerate relations are accepted as an integral part of a culture, allowing people to look after to themselves and others in a more heartfelt sense than I am used to.
the gratitude and respect I have for Akiko is deep. she has helped me bring forth aspects of myself which I had struggled to manifest on my own. by her acceptance and calm character, I felt understood, seen as I am, and appreciated. her kindness has healed my broken heart. I realized how much admiration, love, inspiration, respect, and attraction I can find, and have for another person. she is, what I admire in people.
it would be better suited for me to show my gratitude for her in other ways besides on this blog. as I sit now, publishing the above poem on this blog, I recall the time, the feeling of being in Japan and walking at Meiji Jingu, writing this poem, and feeling relief as I fell in love with a person and a place. 
to publish this poem here, without a few sentences to express my appreciation and respect for Akiko would be unjust. 有り難う御座います Thank you very much.

I wrote this poem, amongst the trees, on the precious ground at Meiji Jingu (Meiji Shrine), in Harajuku, Tokyo. Meiji is a place of worship and an expression of respect by the followers of Shinto, for the earth and for all people. in fact, Meiji is one of many Jinja Shinto, Shrines of Shinto, where the spirit of Kami is believed to dwell. Kami is the deity of Shinto, a figure of life-giving power. basically, Kami is explained as "whatever seems strikingly impressive, possessing the quality of excellence and virtue, and inspires a feeling of awe" is called "Kumi."
The tall old trees, covering the earth, the wide gravel paths, streams, ponds, the caretakers, and of course the shrine itself, do impress and arouse admiration. all-together, Meiji stands as a magnificent representative of our mother earth, surrounded by a huge, over-populated, and busy Tokyo.
in my opinion, the power and magnitude of Tokyo, kneels under the presence of Meiji. when I first entered the main gate and set foot on the ground at Meiji, with a rabbit (Akiko), I immediately found the air was cool and comforting, the usual tension of my body subsided, and I could feel  we were in a sacred place. before learning about Shinto, and came to terms with the order of Jinja, and the Shinto faith, I could feel there was something special about Meiji. I was in awe and impressed not only by the massive gates and the shine itself, but by the land, the trees, the streams. I learned recently that the streams that run through the grounds flow from a very old well. the water comes up, without the aid of a pump, naturally, from underground channels of rain water. which is impressive. 
Meiji Jingu alone, is more than enough reason for me to believe that I could actually enjoy living in Tokyo. while not being the first reason, I acknowledge how I was affected by simply being there, as I experienced affluent health and strengthening of spirit, in one month with Akiko, in Japan.

I wrote the poem at Meiji Jingu, as I visited Meiji for the second time, this time I was alone. I was inspired by Kumi and the immediate intimacy of nature as I walked alone.  With each step I found, the hold of my ego, the hardness of my character, dissolve. As I let go, allowing the air to fill my lungs, I knew, it was not me who was breathing, it was a function of the intimacy between this body and nature. Letting go, as I walked, my ego attempted to take control, as it usually does, but by the force of the good energy of the trees and soul of Meiji. I maintained the connection and was able to allow it to transform me for some time. I could observe the contrast between myself, my ego, and the natural order of a body given back to, and owned by nature. The tight confines of an ego and the open acceptance of the natural world. 
There were many people, also walking there. The old trees, the bodies in motion, the wind, everything moved with me, entered me, gave breath to me and I loved them. I saw, perhaps to a small degree, how my life depends on everything. My feet moved by the force of what was given to me, I felt each step, not remembering a single thing.
I wish I could have stayed there with Akiko in Japan. To dissolve, and teach my ego how it can exist peacefully, in communion with the world. 

morning gatha

wake up!
don't wait!
I feel the morning
supporting my becoming. (even though I ache)
I feel my breath
I bow to dear friends
I embrace my sorrow
and realize the way.
I remember to take care, sleep well, and start again.
one day my life will end.
as I sit, being myself, seeing myself, I let go.
how wonderful.

open way zen, sangha

I just arrived home after my first visit and sitting with the Open Way Zen group in Kelvin Grove, Brisbane. the sitting and lecture was supervised by Peter Genjo Bruza (on the right, on the left is Master Hogen-san the founder of OWZ who I am yet to meet). it was the first time I have met with a sangha since the fall 2009 sesshin, with the Adelaide Zen Group. it was nice to listen to the lecture and to feel the collective intention to practice zazen, meditation.
 Peter gave a talk based around an excerpt from a poem by Rumi, a Sufi poet, giving his own commentary and advice not to translate the words in a literary sense but rather to understand it from our own direct experience. I was touched by the content and found I could relate to the commentary given.
 in short the essence of the teaching was, to have an open awareness that is direct. to be focused in an open, multi directional sense. not to focus too hard with great intentions of achieving a goal or an end and thereby closing of the senses to all that is.  to find a balance between an open awareness and direct experience. to be sharply attuned to all that is happening inside and out. Peter also touched on the idea of necessary illusion against the backdrop of perfect reality. the two are part of reality, yet, we go back and forth between the two. to have our senses closed is to not be in tune with what is, but yet it is necessary to experience this illusion in order to live in and be aware of perfect reality. also we can not only be open for we may fall out of balance with directness, with awareness. we cannot not be too focused because we will lose touch with perfect reality. we cannot keep our senses closed, nor can we be completely open all of the time. we need to find the point where the two meet and realize that the two are one, and the one is also two. and more importantly to just simply be aware of how we are constantly in flux between the two.

 I sit, on average, at least 5 times a week at home, and I practice yoga (my own version, for stiff old joints) at least once a day. it is good to practice alone to find your seat, the best way of sitting for your body type. i must say however, that there is nothing that can compare to sitting in zazen with a sangha before recieving the advice and teaching of an elder practitioner or teacher. often the lecture has one or more points which resound in and penetrate the heart. I cant help but feel a deep appreciation for my elders, for those more experienced and wiser than I am.

 I will go back to meet and sit with the Open Way Zen group.